I love this class but it is literally killing me
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: How to get a heart attack at an early age

And I am  tired of being starving because of not having time to eat a meal, or shop for toilet paper, or even go to church. I am tired of driving so fast to get here, and racing into my classes.

How on earth am I supposed to race over here after the heavy competition of sales at work 1 hour before my 6pm class in Math and study for this class??? This class is literally killing me, my heart can't ake this with my high blood pressure. i am really angry, because I can't read the book on Word because the glasses are really screwing up my eyesight to study for the quiz tommorow, and the quizzes are so confusing. My chest is just overwhelming me with pain and pressure. And I am really feeling overwhelmed, because I enjpy the computer, but I can't concentrate on any other classes because of all the stuff I fell behind on because of my son. I am really upset, I thought computers would be fun. But, it is endless work that takesd up all my free time. I don't get meals, I miss church, I can't go food shopping because of having to come to the computer lab, Saturday and Sunday. I am really furious. I am 50 years old, I work 50 hours a week, and I have creditors calling me every 5 minutres, I hate computers. It's not even fun, except tof Power Point. And I'm not even going to study for this test tommorow because I'll probably be in the hospital before I finish the class anyway. What the heck this is harder than Educational Psychology and all those papers, and Multicultural Education in the same semester and I nver felt like this kind of pressure on my body. I hate computers with a passion today.

I decided to write in my journal today.
Mood:  rushed

Today I worked overtime again, and found myself feeling very confused driving home. The reason is because commision sales is so intense, it is such a mental game, and involves so much concentration that I am finding it difficult when I get off late to change to a mode into normality. Each minute in my job is mind over matter trying to make sales, and then it's time to return to the normal world. It is so vastly different from the environment at school, and the pressure to beat commision is so intense that I often leave work wondering who I am. At work it's so mentally competitive and then I am supposed to change personas and start studying in a nice little safe academic world. So, I figure get this blog written  so I can concentrate on keeping a roof over my head. Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs= Food and Shelter come first. That's the reality of this, as much as I enjoy school it is also sometimes almost meaningless, and I fortunately I was able to bring the laptop into the kitchen to get enough light to write this. So, that is good. :)

Now I am not sure this is going to my sudent e-mail account.
Now Playing: I don't see the entry in my inbox.
Aaaaaaggggghhhhhhh!

What is the point of this darn life?
Mood:  not sure
I am tired, hungry, crying, and I don't understand the point of this darn life. I am so tired of always trying to do the right thing. It's been years since there was a moment of joy in my life. I always wanted to accomplish something great in my life. Something that really helps people. i see so many people whose dreams come true. But, I always get so close to the goal and then perish. Is God playing a game with me, does he know that I am here? What is it that I am doing that is creating these overwhelming things in my life?