I decided to write in my journal today.
Mood:  rushed

Today I worked overtime again, and found myself feeling very confused driving home. The reason is because commision sales is so intense, it is such a mental game, and involves so much concentration that I am finding it difficult when I get off late to change to a mode into normality. Each minute in my job is mind over matter trying to make sales, and then it's time to return to the normal world. It is so vastly different from the environment at school, and the pressure to beat commision is so intense that I often leave work wondering who I am. At work it's so mentally competitive and then I am supposed to change personas and start studying in a nice little safe academic world. So, I figure get this blog written  so I can concentrate on keeping a roof over my head. Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs= Food and Shelter come first. That's the reality of this, as much as I enjoy school it is also sometimes almost meaningless, and I fortunately I was able to bring the laptop into the kitchen to get enough light to write this. So, that is good. :)

Now I am not sure this is going to my sudent e-mail account.
Now Playing: I don't see the entry in my inbox.
Aaaaaaggggghhhhhhh!

What is the point of this darn life?
Mood:  not sure
I am tired, hungry, crying, and I don't understand the point of this darn life. I am so tired of always trying to do the right thing. It's been years since there was a moment of joy in my life. I always wanted to accomplish something great in my life. Something that really helps people. i see so many people whose dreams come true. But, I always get so close to the goal and then perish. Is God playing a game with me, does he know that I am here? What is it that I am doing that is creating these overwhelming things in my life?